That Happened: Petals on the Wind
The highly-anticipated sequel Petals on the Wind is exactly as good as you thought it would be. For better or worse. The highly-anticipated sequel to Flowers in the Attic, Petals on the Wind, is...
View ArticleI Wanna Marry “Harry” Week 3: Aristocra-trocity
This week on I Wanna Marry “Harry,” the ladies in the Harr-em suffer head trauma and learn how to twerk. Truly, behavior befitting a future queen. Kimberly + Sir = (heart) Kimberly, recipient of the...
View ArticleI Wanna Marry “Harry”: Royal Flushed
To the shock and dismay of nobody, I Wanna Marry “Harry” has been cancelled. But how does it end? Mike and I have been taking it for the team and watching I Wanna Marry “Harry” every week. Naturally,...
View ArticleThe Bachelorette: Rules of the Rose Week 6
The Bachelorette and her bro-thel defile Venice. Voglio morire. DO mispronounce everything. It’s so romantic, y’all. DON’T question why a trite phrase written in a gondola in Venice would be written in...
View ArticleThe Bachelorette: Rules of the Rose Week 8
The Bachelorette visits the final four in their respective hometowns. And hometown strip clubs. DO break out the insane greater-Milwaukee accent during your hometown. But only if you actually have one,...
View ArticleWaiting for Death: Inside the Walking Dead
The wait for season 5 of The Walking Dead is agonizing. Here’s a “making of” documentary to tide everyone over! Special FX Makeup “When you start missing pieces of your body, it’s gotta look right!”...
View ArticleInside the Walking Dead – Walker University
While we wait for Season 5 of The Walking Dead, AMC is kind enough to air making-of specials to tide us over. This week: Walker University! Turns out there is a process called “zombie school” where...
View ArticleThe Bachelorette: Rules of The Men Tell All
This week on The Bachelorette, the Men Tell All! First question: “how’s it hanging?” Since there are no roses to be awarded tonight, let’s analyze the Dos and Don’ts of not making an ass of yourself on...
View ArticleInsufferable! Index: Bachelor in Paradise Week 1
Bachelor in Paradise makes its horrifying debut. What are the most insufferable people and situations of the premiere? Premise: a bunch of former Bachelor/ette rejects come to a resort in Mexico to...
View ArticleInsufferable! Index: Bachelor in Paradise Week 2
Bachelor in Paradise gets slutty! …Sluttier? …EVEN SLUTTIER?! Huh. That’s kind of annoying. It doesn’t matter how physically attractive these people are: they do not look good on HD television in high...
View ArticleInsufferable! Index: Bachelor in Paradise Week 3
Bachelor in Paradise has now gotten into “overnight date” territory. The date cards should really contain Valtrex samples. Huh. That’s kind of annoying. Chris injured his knee and it obviously isn’t...
View ArticleInsufferable! Index: Bachelor in Paradise Week 4
The ladies of Bachelor in Paradise have shockingly started fighting amongst themselves. Who thought competitive dating could yield conflict? “Too Long, Didn’t Watch” Recap: Kalon, Jesse, and Cody enter...
View ArticleInsufferable! Index: Bachelor in Paradise Week 5
Bachelor in Paradise reaches new heights (lows?) as we see threeways, blurred bosoms, and blatant ass-grabbing. Hide yo’ kids! “Too Long, Didn’t Watch” Recap: After Graham and Lacy both get very sick,...
View ArticleInsufferable! Index: Bachelor in Paradise Week 6
Bachelor in Paradise is getting more lovey-dovey by the minute. And much, much more tan. “Too Long, Didn’t Watch” Recap: Brooks and Tasos arrive in paradise. Brooks, Jackie and Zack quickly form the...
View ArticleInsufferable! Index: Bachelor in Paradise Week 7 – Finale
Bachelor in Paradise ends, and one of these people is a huge size queen. Guess which one! “Too Long, Didn’t Watch” Recap: The boys and girls are separated to deliberate whether they want to keep these...
View ArticleLove Prison: Rosie & Chris
Love Prison once again serves as a cautionary tale not to let online relationships go on so long without meeting in person. This will probably be the “lesson” every week. The Prisoners Rosie, 29, Los...
View ArticleLove Prison: Steve and Rachel
Love Prison may have been unceremoniously cancelled, but the horror lives on…On Demand! In this episode, meet King Douchebag and Princess Doormat. The Prisoners Rachel, 26, Boston. She is a restaurant...
View ArticleLove Prison: Tiffany-Nicole and Kenneth
Love Prison has been fairly insane. Will Tiffany-Nicole and Kenneth be at least a little bit normal? The Prisoners Tiffany-Nicole, 28, New York/LA. She is a model who splits her time on the coasts. I...
View ArticleLove Prison: Evelyn and Mickey
Love Prison has a middle-aged rocker couple who loves getting busy. Drink every time you read “eww” in this recap. The Prisoners Evelyn, 41, Oklahoma. She looks like an aging Kat Von D and has had a...
View ArticleImprobable? Index: The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 2 – Strangers
This week The Walking Dead gives us that ol’ time religion. It’s good enough for Rick. We can all agree that there are certain aspects of AMC’s The Walking Dead that seem a little, shall we say,...
View Article
